Unlike Nadia, I go through many many goodbyes. I myself pull away once I know a person is leaving. When I meet someone new I want to know exactly how long they are going to live here so I let them know enough of me to be my friend but not enough to know me fully. Its like I hide a secret part of my heart because I'm afraid of being hurt. As someone young I loved and cherished amazing people and then when they left it left me heartbroken. Everyone only lives here for about 2-3 years but when its friends you thought would be there with you forever until you both graduate... that's when it hurts the most. Like one of my closest friends from childhood who I've known for 12 years has been with me through a lot, is leaving this summer. And I'm staying for another two years until university. I had never expected this to happen and it takes all my strength not to pull away a little. I know this goodbye is going to hurt.
I'm scared for everytime I say goodbye and I cry for so long. Sometimes I don't even know how to really even deal with it. Its something that nags at me. Last summer I had many dear friends leave and in shock I could not cry, it took me about a month to really realize they were gone never to live near again. Its normal as a TCK to feel lonely after these moments but it doesn't give us reason to pull back forever. We were put in this world for a reason to help people. We can't do that if we don't speak, so even though it hurts I've learned to expand to share myself so that hopefully one day I could inspire someone.
I'm scared for everytime I say goodbye and I cry for so long. Sometimes I don't even know how to really even deal with it. Its something that nags at me. Last summer I had many dear friends leave and in shock I could not cry, it took me about a month to really realize they were gone never to live near again. Its normal as a TCK to feel lonely after these moments but it doesn't give us reason to pull back forever. We were put in this world for a reason to help people. We can't do that if we don't speak, so even though it hurts I've learned to expand to share myself so that hopefully one day I could inspire someone.
This almost made me cry. I know this so well. I feel you Sarah.
ReplyDelete:( this made me cry, it's like you read my mind. I'm already in my 4th year at uni. but I still can't connect with people here.
ReplyDelete